Classic Interview: Alfie Brown – 2014
Just how candid do you want your comedians to be?
It’s certainly never dull being Alfie Brown. Below is an interview from 2014. Since this was originally published he’s become a father numerous times, been ‘cancelled’ for an old social media comment taken out of context and has had five star reviews. As you can see, he doesn’t hold back. If you want to see what he is up to now, he is taking a new show to this year’s Edinburgh Fringe and then taking it on tour. Details here.
Alfie Brown is different to other comedians. I thought that the first time I saw him and he spent much of his set arguing about whether he was being sexist with his audience. He is painfully, brutally honest, baring his soul onstage, but always in a very funny way. In fact just to underline that honesty, he is the first person to answer my question below about earnings by coming up with an actual figure. Though maybe he needs to have a chat with his agent.
Brown is getting better all the time and he certainly has plenty to talk about, from the state of the world to the state of his personal life, which has latterly undergone a major change. A year ago he talked about the pointlessness of having children, but he recently became a father. Read on for some stark honesty. And also to find out how much he earns.
What is the last thing you do before you go onstage (apart from check your flies, check for spinach between teeth and check your knickers aren’t sticking out of your skirt)?
Think about something funny to say. I like to open with something new. If you begin with something you’ve never said before the subsequent material can more easily follow the rhythm of improvised speech. It makes it more exciting to watch I think. The audience can tell when you are flying by the seat of your pants.
What irritates you?
Cyclists. Cyclists going the wrong way down one-way streets. Cyclists going through red lights. I have had to do a lot of shouting quite regularly. AND I CAN’T EVEN TALK ABOUT IT ONSTAGE AS IT JUST LOOKS STUPID AND PATHETIC.
What is the most dangerous thing you have ever done?
I fell asleep in the bath and I don’t think my bath had one of those things that lets water out when it’s too full. I woke up and cried because I was scared of dying.
What is the most stupid thing you have ever done?
I convinced my little brother that we eat turkey at Christmas because Jesus’ best friend was a turkey.
What has surprised you the most during your career in comedy?
How long it takes to make a living and the shit that some audiences will laugh at. And the connection between those two statements.
Alfie Brown in 2026 - picture by Jack Finnigan
What do your parents/children (delete as applicable) think of your job?
My parents either were or are comedians. I’m like a racehorse bred for the purpose. It makes me think about that and then freak out about determinism quite a lot.
What’s the worst thing about being a comedian
Hiding your professional jealously at people who are doing better than you.
I think you are very good at what you do (that’s why I’m asking these questions). What do you think of you?
I am my favourite comedian (not the best, that’s different). Although it sounds crap to say, I have to think that to have the self-belief to carry on. I write shows with exactly what I would want to see in a show. Every comedian should be their own personal favourite.
How much do you earn and how much would you like to earn?
Usually a bit over a grand a month. Maybe a grand and a half. I’d like to earn enough to buy a house and eat at mid-level burger restaurants too regularly. For me there isn’t too much difference between earning 80K a year and 600k a year. If I was going to be rich I’d only really want to be a billionaire, and that’s only so I could buy Liverpool FC.
How important is luck in terms of career success – have you had lucky breaks?
My dad’s best mate is Harry Hill. He got me a lot of gigs at Monkey Business when I first started out. It’s not a lucky break but it certainly helped. Thanks Harry, thanks Martin. Also my girlfriend is like a despot over my creativity. She is constantly pushing me and encouraging me to work harder. She is a very lucky break.
Alan Davies has said that comedians fall into two categories - golfers and self-harmers. The former just get on with life, the latter are tortured artists. Which are you – or do you think you fit into a third category?
I am loathe to fit in a binary provided by Alan Davies so I think I choose a third category. I think I’m probably the sort of loser who would be self-harming on the golf course for attention. Though nowadays I just get on with it. Golf is crap though.
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